New Blog Feature Alert! This feature is for those movies considered “classics”, that we’ve all seen (several times), that I can write about without spoiling anything. For these movies, I have a lot of questions. Let’s take a look back at our favorite movies through the form of questions. A lot of questions. Some of which may actually have answers, but most of which just bring up more questions.
The Olympics were last month. Right? I try to ignore it as much as possible as I have very strong opinions about the Olympics. (Namely the money and the spirit of competition). The one good thing about all that Olympics talk was that it reminded me to watch one of my favorite movies, Cool Runnings. And that is as close as I want to get to the Olympics.
“Jamaica, we have a bobsled team!"
Is this based on a true story?
Wikipedia tells me, yes, it is. Although, a lot has been changed to make it a more dramatic movie. Well, real life is never as interesting as movies, so that makes sense.
"Feel the rhythm! Feel the rhyme! Get on up! It’s
bobsled push-cart time!"
Anybody want to start a push-cart league?
This looks super fun! Was it just an 80’s thing? Or a Jamaica thing? This seems way cooler than those soap box derbies The Scouts or whoever does. But, why are there children riding on the carts, if the adult is doing the pushing and the driving? I feel a child endangerment lawsuit coming on...
They really wouldn’t redo that race?
Is that not considered the same as someone interfering with the race? The guy who tripped, fine, he fucked up his shot, but the two he tripped didn’t do anything wrong! That doesn’t seem fair.
"What’s a bobsled?"
A bobsled is a push-cart with no wheels.
"How ‘bout I draw a line down the middle of your head so it looks like a butt?"
Ha ha ha ha. I did it. It looks like a butt.
"Sanka, man, whatcha smokin’?"
Accurate depiction of Canadian winter is accurate. (He's not smoking, he's breathing.)
Is that really how you register for the Olympics?
You just walk up to a guy at a table wearing a lot of buttons on his lapels and say you want to register a Jamaican bobsled team? Maybe I’ll try that some time.
Is this the brotherly love that everyone says the Olympics is all about?
Whenever I say that I am against the Olympics, people come back with this nonsense about it bringing all the countries of the world together. Ya, it brings all the countries of the world together to compete! For what? Little medals? Pride? Statistics? Money? They try to make it look like they’re creating world peace with the beautiful opening and closing ceremonies, but it’s all just competition. Everyone wants to be the best. There are no touching stories of athletes carrying fallen competitors across finish lines in real life, guys. Those people are in it to win it, no matter the cost. I just don’t see the point. It costs billions of dollars to put on the Olympics. If we put that much money towards helping people in need, instead of fostering unhealthy competitive nature in people, maybe we could actually celebrate some world peace. Just saying.
"You wanna know what I see? I see pride. I see power. I see a bad ass mother who don’t take no crap off of nobody."
Which Jamaican bobsledder are you?
I’m Sanka. When it comes to bobsledding, we are all Sanka. Because who da fuck can actually do bobsled? Or chin-ups?!
“What exactly does it mean?”
‘Cool Runnings’ means ‘peace be the journey’.
Is this the best version of The Lord’s Prayer you’ve ever heard?
I’m not one for sports or religion, but this is brilliant. “Our Father, who art in Calgary, Bobsled be thy name. Thy kingdom come, gold medals won, on Earth as it is in Turn Seven. With Liberty and Justice for Jamaica and Haile Selassie. Amen.”
Are you feeling the Olympic feels?
I am. I feel the feels. Put something in a movie and it is in a central line directly into my heart. If you tried to tell me the story of the Jamaican bobsled team, I would be like “Ha ha ha. Jamaica. Weed. Bob Marley. WTF is bobsledding, anyway?” But goddamnit, you tell me that story in a movie and I am ALL THE FEELS. Jamaica feels. Olympic feels. Bobsled feels.
Are you crying?
*sniff* Me, neither...