Leap of Faith ✚ Tuesdays with Tish

I rarely look at my Facebook feed these days. No one posts anything I care to see, frankly. Certainly not those terribly made quote-over-image things from pages like "Things Only Moms Get". But the other day I saw one I liked because the painting had Little Red Riding Hood vibes and the quote was surprisingly relevant and timely to me.

Leap of Faith by Lucy Campbell 
"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, 
so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

As I've mentioned, but not expanded on, I have been having *a time* for the past couple months after the end of my long-distance relationship. I feel like I reached the tipping point somewhere around New Year's; I realized I had moved from denial & depression into acceptance. I was no longer indulging myself in sad relatable songs. I no longer found myself fantasizing scenarios in which we could get back together. I had finally accepted my reality; denying it was why I was hurting so much. So, it would seem I have let go of the life I had planned. I clung to it for a while, but I have accepted that I will never have that life. (Of course, that is when he rises from the dead to send me a completely mundane inconsequential message just to fuck me up BUT I'M NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW.)

Being willing and able to let go is very tough for me. I don't like letting go. I'm stubborn as fuck. I never let anything go. I hold grudges like a muthafucker. If I decide on something I will not change my mind. I have to have it. So... falling in love and wanting nothing more than to be able to be with the person that I love but having to wait and wait and wait and then finally say goodbye IS NOT OKAY WITH ME. SPOILED BITCH GETS. WHAT. SHE. WANTS. So, no, I'm not "over it". But I have let go of it. Those two things are different, apparently. If you're hoping for some advice, all I've got for you is... time. It just took time. I tried to be kind to myself, not trying to force myself to stop thinking about it, just let myself *go through it* and told myself there would come a time when it didn't hurt so much. I got there when I got there.

Okay, so, I've let go of the life I had planned. What is the life that is waiting for me? I guess that's a rhetorical question. You don't know, do you? You'd tell me if you did, right? Letting go is tough for stubborn Scorpios, but once you have really let go, you get to enjoy that exciting "the world is my oyster" feeling.  -pause while I look into the origin of that phrase because wtf oysters are small and gross but the world is big and amazing-  Okay, apparently, I am ready to find a pearl in a gross oyster. I've got a lot of free brain space now that it's not obsessing over heartbreak, so I'm enjoying all the creativity and ideas rolling around in there now. I could do anything! I'm gonna wear bawse suits and write and make stuff and be good at my job! And eat oysters! jk ew no so gross



It's a double Moira with some very good advice. Maybe I need to take some risks.

See you next Tuesday.

Tuesdays with Tish: Will I Ever Grow Up?

This week I am back at work after two weeks off- thank god. I was going a little nuts at home alone for so long. I somehow couldn't manage to get together with any friends during that whole time, so my only socializing was family for Christmas, two bad dates, a hair appointment, and a last-minute radio appearance. I watched a lot of movies, as planned. I cleaned, organized, and un-decorated my apartment which means now my living room is immaculate and the rest is full of the junk I want to be rid of. I feel like I went through a roller coaster of emotions and mental health conditions in those two weeks. (For a couple days, I couldn't shake the near-constant anxiety-induced stomach pains, which just created an anxiety circle of anxiety over my anxiety.) So, I am very glad to be back in the office with my lovely coworkers before I got to rocking-in-the-corner level of cabin fever.

Does anyone ever really feel like they are the person that they want to be? Recently, maybe since I turned -gasp- 29 two months ago, I've been trying things to feel more... grown-up, I guess. I've been shopping for more 'nice' clothes because I want to feel confident at work. I looked around my apartment and decided things need to come off the walls and shelves because too much decorative stuff is cluttered and silly and not my decor style. I love my apartment, but if I were to invite, say, an older-than-I co-worker, I'd be so embarrassed like “Hey, wanna come over to my little clubhouse that I decorated and like to pretend is like a real house?" I am one person; I know that a one bedroom apartment is the right size for me (and a vast improvement from the bachelor basement apartment I lived in for most of my twenties). And, yet, I still feel like a teen who is just playing grown-up. I buy these nice clothes but then worry that I look like a kid playing dress-up. Like when I was a kid or a teen and I would find a new thing or style or garment and think it was so [whatever I was into] but looking back, I didn't look like that movie character when I wore that coat because it wasn't actually that similar and also way too big for me. “Am I just kidding myself?” is a sentiment that hasn’t gone away.

Am I just still at a transitional age when I'm realizing these grown-up things are not so grown-up? When I think I've got a part of my life top-notch, I see someone who seems to be doing even better at that. More advanced. A level up. One important thing I learned about "adulting” (Can we retire that word, please?) in my twenties is that we're all adults, actually. And we're all messes. We just have different shit to deal with. You think someone is more "adult" than you because they own a house and you rent an apartment? That just means they got house ownership shit to deal with while you have apartment rental shit to deal with. Some people accumulate more shit and different shit, but we're all just dealing with our own shit one day at a time. Don't compare your shit. Have I said 'shit' enough? I'm a great writer.

And, of course, I'm also struggling with a lot of these seemingly grown-up things come only, or at least easier, when you have a partner. I'll never own a house, or a car, or go on interesting vacations. I can't afford that stuff on a single salary, and I don't want to travel alone. I spent over a year thinking that I would soon have that partnered kind of life, imagining all the things we could do together, and what a lovely life we would have together. ("I'm fine!" she says, unconvincingly.) But with everyone around me moving through life with a partner, I really feel like I'm missing a big piece of that adult life. (Wait- did I just want a boyfriend so I could get a nicer apartment?)

The thing about New Year’s resolutions and whatnot is that there is never a definitive end/beginning of any part of your life. Everything is just changing and transitioning and happening all the time at the same time. And you never feel caught up or complete or done or enough. There’s always more/better that you want to do. And I just had two weeks of time to let all these thoughts of inadequacy and changes I want to make float up to the top of the brain soup where I can see them. So, I guess there’s nothing to do but keep trying to change into the person I want to be, knowing that I’ll never feel like I’ve got there because who I want to be will change as I change.

Alexis, who has changed and grown a lot, knows you can't compare yourself to others.

See you next Tuesday.

Tuesdays with Tish: New Year, New... Something

I could say “I’ve been meaning to start this for a while” about most projects I start. And then they usually don’t last long.

So, I’ve been meaning to start writing Tuesdays with Tish, which started many years ago as a weekly vlog, as a weekly personal blog post/essay/newsletter-type thing for a while. I’ve been writing bits n pieces for that while, but had that debut anxiety I guess. Knowing I never keep up with various series that I start (See: Everything I’ve done on YouTube and this blog) means I already know how this will end before it begins. When I saw that the first day of the calendar year happened to be a Tuesday, I figured I’d roll with the New Year clich├ęs and start something at the beginning of the year with the intention of continuing consistently throughout the year. I guess we’ll just see how that goes.

I do my yearly reflections and goal-setting around my birthday, but for the sake of a theme let’s pretend January 1st means new beginnings, etc. Setting a point, like the beginning of the calendar, as a before/after point means there are things ending and things beginning. And some things that just continue. Changing everything doesn’t make sense when some things are still working for you. So, I’ve been thinking about what I’m leaving behind in 2018 and what I’m bringing with me into 2019.

The biggest thing I’m leaving behind in 2018 is the one I most unwillingly have to leave behind. I was in love. The relationship, and the potential of the relationship, ended abruptly two months ago. I’ll be able to write about it someday. Not today. And, so, I bring with me into 2019 a complete disinterest in dating. I did actually go on a date just a few days ago and it only confirmed that I am a) a miserable bitch that hates everyone and no one can stand to be around and b) not ready to date. At least I got my first  Bad Date story out of it.

I’m leaving hair bleach in 2018. I got my roots done black yesterday so I can let my colorful hair grow out and eventually it will be just black again and I will have my non-bleach-damaged hair back. So silky and smooth. I’m bringing my wardrobe into 2019. My exclusively black, white, and grey (but mostly black) wardrobe that has been losing graphic tees and gaining blouses over the year. I own pants that are not jeans now. I’m a grown-ass lady, I tell myself.




A post shared by Tish Chambers (@tishchambers) on


The identity of “introvert” really helped me be comfortable with myself throughout my twenties. I soaked up all the introvert memes that made me feel understood and validated my socializing style. Socializing with groups is draining, but one-on-one connections are fulfilling. My social anxiety eased up along with this as I stopped worrying about being the weird quiet girl standing in a group and started confidently standing there quietly because I just didn’t want to talk and I knew that’s okay. But, lately, “introvert” isn’t feeling right. I’ve started wondering if I’m not actually an extravert with social anxiety. Because the thing is; I love attention. In fact some of my social discomfort can come from feeling ignored when I want attention. Okay, this is a bigger issue, clearly, but as I work on my anxiety shit, I am going to let go of “introvert” as an excuse for behaviour, or as a limitation in my behaviour. In 2019, I give myself permission to be extraverted when I so feel like it. And work on what is my personal socializing style and what is that pesky rude anxiety telling me what to do.

Last year, I let go of the idea that I am, or will be, or want to be a “YouTuber”. For one, that doesn’t really exist anymore. Or not in the way it did when I started YouTube and wanted it to be my way to other things. Because that’s the thing- I never really wanted to be a YouTuber. I wanted to do what YouTubers were doing post-YouTube. But I thought I had to start with YouTube. I could never stomach doing the trendy YouTube stuff, anyway, so I wasn’t trying very hard, was I? Last year, I just made a few videos for fun. I had a vision for a song so I just made it. So, bye YouTuber, hello, maybe, Filmmaker? Video Essayist? I got some ideas, but as you know, I struggle with follow through.

A big personal thing that I am glad to be bringing into the new year with me is my Core Desired Feelings. Danielle LaPorte created this system of identifying how you want to feel and using that to guide your goals and life. I settled on three words that felt right; joy, accomplishment, connection. That’s how I want to feel and how I feel when I do the things I already know I love to do. Winter’s not the easiest time to dig your way out from a depression hole (S.A.D. is real, folks) but I am ready to keep my focus on my CDF as I leave things behind and look forward to new goals.

Alright, that’s all I got today. I’m going to go get a fresh start on the new year by doing laundry, I guess.

See you next Tuesday.




(Ya, I think these are going to have to end with a Schitt's Creek gif.)

In the Movies... Ep. 46: Santa Claus Logic in Movies


Tish and Juliana talk about the (lack of) logic of Santa Claus in movies. There are some major logic problems with the believability of Santa, but there's one big one that's never been addressed in movies and we need to address it now. And then Tish outlines her super inclusive (and logical) The Santa Clause trilogy reboot ideas.


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Email: inthemoviespodcast@gmail.com
Twitter: @IntheMoviesPod
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YouTube: http://bit.ly/1RIrC8e
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Quizmas 2018

The Doctor's Companions Ep. 72: History is a Whitewash


Tish and Juliana talk about Season 10, Episode 3 “Thin Ice” and Episode 4 “Knock Knock”. We find out that Regency England was a bit more black than in the movies and people made of wood live forever if you make friends with the alien cockroaches in your house.


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Email: doctorscompanionspodcast@gmail.com
Twitter: @DrsCompanions
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In the Movies Ep. 45: Drunk Christmas: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer



Tish and Juliana got drunk watching Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and Rudolph's Shiny New Year and then talked about it.

Drinking Game
Basic Rules:
- title mentions
- when you can predict the next line
- when there’s a song to sing along to

Rudolph Rules:
- Rudolph's nose lights up
- Yukon throws his pick-axe
- Santa's a dick
- you see the narrator
- you're terrified
- a line directly from the song
- "Eat, Papa, eat!"
- that's a name of a sex move
- time puns/names
- Rudolph should fly
- "Those ears!"

All 19 Fun, Festive, Utterly Bizarre Rankin/Bass Christmas Specials, Ranked from Worst to Best


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The Doctor's Companions Ep. 70: It's like a Kitchen!



Tish and Juliana talk about Season 10, Episode 1 “The Pilot” and Episode 2 “Smile”. While we are sad to continue the podcast without Linda, we are happy to welcome our new mic. You're welcome to your earholes. We get to know our new favorite companion, Bill, and discuss emojis, robots, and crushes.
Listen to Tish talk about the new Doctor on CBC's All in a Day here.

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Do you like the new cover?


In the Movies Ep. 44: Set It Up & How We Watch Movies


Tish and Juliana talk about Set It Up and how we watch movies. We agree that Set It Up is charming, fun, hilarious, and clearly written by women. With Cannes banning Netflix originals and studio directors clinging to the idea of "sacred cinema", what is the future of movies viewed on the big screen? We talk about our real movie theatre experiences that make us glad that we can watch movies in the comfort of our own homes with streaming services and dvd/blu-ray.

Research
The Death Of DVD Will Haunt Us [Huffington Post]
Domestic movie theater attendance hit a 25-year low in 2017 [The Verge]
Theater chains are terrified of MoviePass because of subscribers like me [The Verge]
Movie Theater Attendance Has Hit A 24-Year-Low, And 2018 May Be Worse [Uproxx]
Netflix Originals Are Now Barred From Competition At Cannes [Birth.Movies.Death.]
How frequently do you go to a movie theater to see a film? [Statista]
How many people stream Netflix? [Recode]
15 Reasons Why People Don't Go To The Movies Anymore [Screen Rant]
Netflix Is Not the Problem: Why Bad Theatrical Presentations Are Destroying the Experience [IndieWire]
Steven Spielberg Doesn’t Think Netflix Movies Deserve Oscars [Variety]
Netflix vs. Cannes: why they’re fighting, what it means for cinema, and who really loses [Vox]

Get in touch
Email: inthemoviespodcast@gmail.com
Twitter: @IntheMoviesPod
Instagram: @IntheMoviesPod
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The Doctor's Companions Ep. 69: The Tomb of the Cybermen [Second Doctor]





Tish, Juliana, and Linda talk about the Classic Who Second Doctor story "The Tomb of the Cybermen". We cover Cybermen, the Second Doctor' new personality, racism, 60's TV structure, special effects, companions, kilts, and the death count. Oh, and it's Linda's last episode! Waaaah! :(

New Who News
Doctor Who: The Women Who Lived

We asked you: What’s your worst apartment/house horror story?

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