“We’re adults without children. We have the luxury to design our own life.”
– Sex and the City 2
I must remember to paraphrase this quote the next time someone questions my decision to not have children. Ever.
"I want the luxury to design my own life.”
One of my best friends is married with two children and is the
happiest she’s ever been. And I’m happy for her. I’m happy to spend time
with her and her husband and her little cuties when they come home for a
visit. Do I want to cuddle with her baby and play with her toddler?
Yes. Do I want to change diapers, be up all night breast feeding, and
have my entire life revolve around keeping another human being alive and
happy? No.
Nothing I have ever wanted in my life has included having children.
Nothing I want to do in my life, my future, would work if I had
children. I know there are people out there who seem to balance a great
career, a relationship, travel, fun times and their children. But I
don’t want it all. I just want the fun stuff. I want to design my own
life. My own schedule. My own home. My own plans. I never want to have
to consider another person’s needs and wants before my own. If I decide I
want to go rent a villa in Tuscany for a month, then I can save up my
money and go. I don’t have to bring kids, or arrange to have them taken
care of. I don’t have to give up the idea all together because I can’t
afford a fabulous holiday and college tuition. The only other person I
want to have to consider in that situation is whomever I want to bring
with me to make the trip more fun.
Is it selfish? I don’t think so. I don’t think it’s ever selfish to
put yourself first. You have to in order to survive. Would it be a
little selfish to leave your kids at home so you can go lie on a beach
for a month? Maybe. It seems to me that no kids means no guilt. If I
only have myself to worry about, I’m never disappointing or neglecting
anyone.
What bothers me most about the formerly mentioned situation is when
someone says “You’re still young. You’ll change your mind.” I find this
infuriating and insulting for someone to tell me that I don’t know what I
want. I’m not so young. I’m old enough to be planning the rest of my
life. A lot of girls my age have already made the decision to have kids.
Why am I too young to have made the decision not to?
I know that I still have a lot of growing up to do in a lot of ways.
I’m always growing, maturing, changing. While the specific details of
what I want to be “when I grow up” are always changing, the main idea
has been pretty constant since I was about 12. I never considered kids
in my grown-up dreams. I dreamed about my career, my lifestyle, my
friends and lovers. I thought about being a filmmaker, being an
entrepreneur, being a writer, being a creative businesswoman, being a
traveler. Sometimes I think all that would be nice with that one special
person by my side, but sometimes I think how boring to be stuck with
just one person, I want some freedom and some fun.
Married or single. In Ontario, Vancouver, LA, or Europe. Filmmaker,
writer, or business owner. One thing I will never be is a mother.
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